Forgive Yourself

Have you ever been plagued by guilt? So deeply tormented that you lose your appetite and you find it difficult to sleep? So troubled that anyone or anything that reminds you of the situation or person gets you on edge?

If that’s the case… it needs to change. Not just because it’s generally unhealthy for you, but mostly because you’re subconsciously allowing yourself to be trapped and manipulated.

I’ve realised that people get a certain rise in having control over others based on their knowledge of how persons are feeling. So, you’ll find that they feel empowered to remind you of where you’ve failed, because it’s in that time that you’re at your weakest state and you feel that you have no right to fight back.

Well, we need to note that even in the heights of conflict, we have rights. Whether or not we’re in the total wrong, we must always remember that there’s an opportunity for redemption, which is exactly what the Gospel speaks of. You’re not automatically relinquished of your wrongs, but neither are you to be condemned in relation to them. That means, we are required to take responsibility for the things we have done. But we are not destined to be defined by them. You are NOT your mistakes.

Having laid an interesting bit of context, the process of forgiving yourself and moving forward ideally incorporates these steps:

  1. Conquer the fear of being wrong. A lot of times, we get trapped in things because we don’t believe we have the strength to overcome the hurdles we see. It’s a similar thing here. We’re afraid that it really may come to light that we were wrong about something. So, we try our best to hide in the shadows. But, we often forget that what’s in the dark will come to light…and by the time that happens, it’s sometimes worse, because you dealing with the situation right there would have prevented things from festering.
  2. Consider that self awareness is key. You need to be conscious of yourself. Self awareness is key in this because it will cause you to understand that situations are bigger than you, yet you must always be aware of your contribution to the situation at hand. Know your flaws and be so self aware that you can accept that what you did or said wasn’t right.
  3. Remember honesty is important. This flows right from self-awareness, because you literally need to be willing to be honest with yourself and also, those involved. Could you have reacted better? Could you have thought about things a bit more? Were you straight up wrong? Does the other party have a good reason to be feeling the way they do? Did you really make the situation worse than it had to be? Accept and admit it.
  4. Note that humility plays a vital role. This flows right from the honesty. It’s after evaluating and being real with yourself that you then make a point to get on that higher road. Therefore, if you need to apologise, then do it. There’s nothing more off-putting than being wrong and strong in these situations. Understand yourself and eat humble pie where you need to. But, note that humble and putty are two different things. Be wary of those who will want to take advantage of you during this time of you trying to be humble. Don’t disrespect or try “show seh yuh bad” or that you can “ansa dem”. But, cover yourself and guard your heart and sift the truth from the lies.
  5. Develop the courage to stand. Funny enough, this plays a role in taking the step to apologise and walk in the umility. But also, this is needed tremendously in moving forward. The negative emotions and words…face the fact that they exist. Then, stand in that. Fine, that’s the current reality. You know you can’t control the way people act and feel, so maybe you should do yourself the favour of accepting that so that you can choose to offload that burden.
  6. Find strength to move forward. Now, just because a ‘resolution’ has been reached doesn’t mean that things will automatically blow over with onlookers. These situations cause ripple effects. Maybe excessive chatter with other persons outside of the situation. Maybe other changes have been put in place as a consequence of the situation. So, based on that, we need to understand that we have to live with the consequences of whatever takes place…and that requires strength.

So, in all of this, what I’m trying to say is that we need to hold ourselves accountable above all else and then exercise that due diligence in moving forward in that level of responsibility – amid the noise.

I believe that once you have this under control, nobody is supposed to be able to hold anything over your head. Nobody is supposed to feel powerful enough to make you feel like you don’t even want to see the light of day because of how horrible you are.


It’s a similar context with repentance and dealing with the devil. The process of repentance includes acknowledging and admitting the sin, then renouncing, and then turning 180 degrees from the thing that you’re repenting of, and then walking in that renewed place. In you doing that, YOU are taking responsibility for the thing and on that note the devil has no secrets for you. So then, accuser, what’s the point of you?

Work through the process above and forgive yourself so you can breathe again and keep it moving. Don’t relinquish your power because of fear.

Guilt should not be allowed to take root in our lives. Forgive yourself and move forward.

Blessings and love.


||Niala Dei||


Photography by @scribephotographyja ||


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